Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Frustration

I'm at one of those points in your life where everything is coming to a climax, and it's coming fast. So fast that you see it looming on the horizon, the due dates approaching and the expectations rising with each day that passes, and you know you must rise to meet it with all the knowledge and experience you have garnered, to prove yourself... but all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

I'm so close to being finished with college, everything is laid out before me, I just have to put together the pieces - too bad Senoritis has set in, and it's not leaving any time soon. My BA data is just waiting to be analyzed, and I just can't bring myself to work on it. No one is pressuring me due to unfavorable circumstances with my schedule, leaving me feeling guilty and pathetic. While I enjoy two of my classes, my math class is baffling me. The professor expects coding from us that we have no experience with and doesn't like that we don't suddenly have epiphanies on how to make these lines of code form productive functions.

To top it all off is my relationship with my fiance. We are fine, nothing has changed how we feel for each other, but now our schedules are out of sync. Where we once had raid time together, conversations before and after along with random intervals during the day, we are down to a six hour window in the afternoon. When he goes to bed, I'm starting to raid, reducing the last phone call of the day to a distracted, one-way conversation. I know that we are in the homerun stretch of our time apart, but I'm terrified that something will happen in that period to jeopardize it all.

While I would love to do nothing but WoW all day long, even that is getting difficult to deal with. Tonight we just polished off Malygos10 and OS10+1D, two ten mans for both. As a guild leader, I mainly take care of loot distribution, but as one of the few range DPS officers, I'm in a better position to call out spark announcements. This reeks havoc on my DPS, because I can't watch my shots while spinning around my camera searching for the sparks, not to mention our tendency to kill the sparks near him, so I have no chance to get the buff. Add on to the fact that the majority of our DPS goes straight to the spark buff, leaving me and maybe one other conscientious DPS to deal with the second spark that is approaching him, and my DPS goes to the gutter. I can make up for it with drake damage, but the inability to do what my class and spec is capable of is extremely frustrating to me. Thankfully, it was a beautiful one-shot, but I did not feel satisfied with my own performance as a hunter. I sat out for OS10+1D and for +2D, not because I didn't want to work on it, but so others could experience the encounter and get a feel for it.

Then, of course, there is The Butterfly, this blog. Some days I feel satisfied with what I have accomplished through it, other times (like now) I feel like it's time to shut it down, that nothing great or useful has come of it. In my last post, I was trying to get some advice on changing my spec to accomodate a gear change, but it turns out I really already knew the answer, leaving me to wonder why I post some of this nonsense.

I suppose it's just one of those days.

6 comments:

fruko said...

I believe those times are happening in order to give us a chance to feel satisfied and have that sweet tiredness after accomplishing all those tasks, whether they turn out to have perfect endings or not. Hope all those classes end happily for you. I am sure you'll find time for your fiance when all this rush ends and make up for all those phone calls :) Long term relationships tend to experience that kind of situations more than the others but beauty of these relationships is that tolerating the other one when he/she is having hard times. That is what makes strong couples, it is my two cents.
Finally, I LOVE your blog!

Tzigone

~One Among Many~ said...

Your readers still venture here, regardless of whether or not you think your posts contain anything but nonsense. So there!

College can be frustrating, more so than raiding even. I think everyone knows the whole "RL first" clause that we sign up for when we're born. No game should ever come before it.

Honestly, nothing should come before yourself and what you're doing with your life - i.e. college and a better life.

Look at it this way, if you just "get it done" you'll have more time with your fiance, more time with raiding and enjoying the best parts of life.

Work hard, to play hard :)

We know you can do it!

Nassira said...

I like reading what you have to say - you have experience, and you don't lord your experience or knowledge over anyone. It's YOUR blog, and YOUR input, and I love it. If it makes you happy simply to write, then write. =)

Neggles said...

Heh, yeah, I just needed to write last night, and it's interesting that I'd sooner do it here among relative strangers than on things like Facebook among my RL friends. I suppose every WoW reader can sympathize with the human side of the player, while not every casual reader can sympathize with the WoW side of the writer.

stupidm said...

I think your blog is crap and what you write has no value.

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HA! Now that you're steamed, in your head you're thinking that you'd never quit your blog.

I'm a relative newcomer to your writing and I have to say I enjoy it. You're at one of those humps in that cause overall life stress. You'll be fine as long as you don't dump your head in a hole. Deal with your classes, love your man, kick some ass hard and fast.

35yards said...

I also turn to the blogs when I'm frustrated. I don't know why, but there's something more human about the bloggers than some of my classmates.

I'm afraid I can't let senioritis hit me. I'm way too active on campus to just sit back and relax... I guess that's my own fault for being too ambitious.

Hang in there. We'll be done soon enough.