Frustration

I'm at one of those points in your life where everything is coming to a climax, and it's coming fast. So fast that you see it looming on the horizon, the due dates approaching and the expectations rising with each day that passes, and you know you must rise to meet it with all the knowledge and experience you have garnered, to prove yourself... but all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

I'm so close to being finished with college, everything is laid out before me, I just have to put together the pieces - too bad Senoritis has set in, and it's not leaving any time soon. My BA data is just waiting to be analyzed, and I just can't bring myself to work on it. No one is pressuring me due to unfavorable circumstances with my schedule, leaving me feeling guilty and pathetic. While I enjoy two of my classes, my math class is baffling me. The professor expects coding from us that we have no experience with and doesn't like that we don't suddenly have epiphanies on how to make these lines of code form productive functions.

To top it all off is my relationship with my fiance. We are fine, nothing has changed how we feel for each other, but now our schedules are out of sync. Where we once had raid time together, conversations before and after along with random intervals during the day, we are down to a six hour window in the afternoon. When he goes to bed, I'm starting to raid, reducing the last phone call of the day to a distracted, one-way conversation. I know that we are in the homerun stretch of our time apart, but I'm terrified that something will happen in that period to jeopardize it all.

While I would love to do nothing but WoW all day long, even that is getting difficult to deal with. Tonight we just polished off Malygos10 and OS10+1D, two ten mans for both. As a guild leader, I mainly take care of loot distribution, but as one of the few range DPS officers, I'm in a better position to call out spark announcements. This reeks havoc on my DPS, because I can't watch my shots while spinning around my camera searching for the sparks, not to mention our tendency to kill the sparks near him, so I have no chance to get the buff. Add on to the fact that the majority of our DPS goes straight to the spark buff, leaving me and maybe one other conscientious DPS to deal with the second spark that is approaching him, and my DPS goes to the gutter. I can make up for it with drake damage, but the inability to do what my class and spec is capable of is extremely frustrating to me. Thankfully, it was a beautiful one-shot, but I did not feel satisfied with my own performance as a hunter. I sat out for OS10+1D and for +2D, not because I didn't want to work on it, but so others could experience the encounter and get a feel for it.

Then, of course, there is The Butterfly, this blog. Some days I feel satisfied with what I have accomplished through it, other times (like now) I feel like it's time to shut it down, that nothing great or useful has come of it. In my last post, I was trying to get some advice on changing my spec to accomodate a gear change, but it turns out I really already knew the answer, leaving me to wonder why I post some of this nonsense.

I suppose it's just one of those days.